I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize