that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
