Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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