In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
