How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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