She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
