i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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