I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
