I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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