I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
