I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds