he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
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there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
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He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.