apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
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I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
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Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?