Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.