I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
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We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
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This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow