he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money