if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
