you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
