how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
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My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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