he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
