I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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