Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
