I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
