Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I need water and some morals
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
