Whod you bang
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I have post one night stand depression
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