That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
