can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
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I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
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My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems