I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.