I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own