You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?