i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.