She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card