youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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