you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
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Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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