she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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