My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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