I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
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