His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
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On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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