i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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