I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize