If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
