Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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