we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
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When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
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You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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