So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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