Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
