Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize