i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
