i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
