Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
