Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize