Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
