accomplished twins. life is a go
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
