dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.