Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.