It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
