i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
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You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
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In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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