Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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