i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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