I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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