This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
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He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
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I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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